So I am tearing apart the beds in the house, ready to wash and change the beds for the benefit of Mr. Kite or whoever the prospective buyer of the blog house is tonight. And I remember some sage advice from somewhere that said "you should wash your pillows at least every two months, to get rid of dust mites and other allergens." My pillows look ok, save for the persperation stain that the pillowcase doesn't prevent. So I take the pillows to the washing machine and check the care label. "Cold water wash or dry clean, cool dry." Hmm. Does cold water and soap kill dust mites? Oh well, I stuff the pillows into the machine, pour the soap and a little bleach (the label said 100% cotton, so I didn't think it would hurt.)

I check the machine a little while later, and it is full of water in its wash cycle. And the water doesn't come up to the top of the pillows! I'm thinking that they won't get washed as well as the rest so I squish them down and they pop back up. Oh well. I leave it alone.

Later I take the pillows out of the machine and under the low light (note that it is romantic near the washing machine, mind you) it looks like the stain is out of one pillow and... been transferred to the other side of the other pillow. I'm not making this up. I am through with these pillows now, so I put them into the dryer, on low heat and walk away.

Later still, I return to take the pillows out so I can finish making my bed. The pillows are dry and look alright, but when I take the pillowcases out and try to put them on, the pillows have grown. Like two balloons, they are twice the size they were before. I picture my neck going out of joint sleeping on one of these now. So, I do what any Single Dad does, I stuff the pillows into the pillow cases. And finish making the bed.

I hope that the couple who visits my house tonight comments on how nice the pillows look. Because if they don't notice, I will be very, very annoyed.


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