Restoring Broken Fellowship

Because life is all about learning how to love, God wants us to value our relationships and make the effort to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift, a hurt or a conflict. The Bible tells us that God has given us the ministry of restoring relationships! The New Testament is devoted to teaching this and how to get along with one another. Remember also that Christ wants our family to be known by their love for each other.

The Apostle Paul was shocked by the members of the church in Corinth and their attitudes, splitting them into factions and hauling each other to court. He wrote, ”Shame on you! Surely there is at least one wise person in your fellowship who can settle a dispute between fellow Christians.” 1st Corinthians 6:5. He couldn’t believe that no one in the church was mature enough to resolve the conflicts. Paul told them urgently, to get along with each other.

To gain God’s blessing on your life and to be known as a child of God, you must learn to be a peacemaker. Jesus, in the Beatitudes, did not call us ”peace lovers” but ”peace makers,” meaning “blessed are those who work for peace.” Peacemakers are rare because it is hard work! Because you were formed for God’s family and the second purpose for your life is to learn to love and relate to others, peacemaking is one of the skills we must learn. But for most of us, we were never taught how to resolve conflict in our lives.

Peacemaking is not avoiding conflict. When you flee from a problem, pretending it isn’t there, or being afraid to talk about it is actually cowardice. Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace was never afraid of conflict, and in fact, on occasion he provoked conflict for the good of everybody. Sometimes we need to avoid conflict, sometimes we need to create it, and sometimes we need to resolve it. That is being a peacemaker with the Holy Spirit’s continual guidance.

Peacemaking is also not appeasement. Always giving in, behaving like a doormat, and allowing others to run your life is not what Jesus had in mind! He refused to back down on many issues, standing his ground in the face of evil opposition.

How do you restore a relationship? There are five steps, and it is wise to study these in the book “The Purpose Driven Life” for a complete understanding.

• Talk to God before talking to the person. Pray about your conversation first, instead of talking (or possibly gossiping) to another person. You may find that in praying, God will change your heart or He changes the other person without your help!
  
  Part of talking with God is to be able to tell Him your frustrations and your hurts. David did that with the Psalms, as he cried out to God so many times. And if you are not seeing resolution, be sure you are praying about it, as James tells us in the Bible.


• Always take the initiative. It doesn’t matter whether you are the offender or the offended; God expects you to make the first move. Restoring broken friendship is so important, Jesus commanded it to take priority over group fellowship! And acting quickly also reduces the spiritual damage to you; which means blocking your fellowship or even hurting your testimony.


• Sympathize with their feelings. Listening is an art that takes practice. Use your ears more than your mouth before you can attempt to solve any disagreement. Focus on their feelings, not the facts. Begin with sympathy, not solutions. Just listen and let them unload emotionally without being defensive.


• Confess your part of the conflict. If you are at all serious about restoring a relationship, you should begin by admitting your own mistakes or sin. “Get rid of the log in your own eye before taking the speck out of your neighbors” is what Jesus said. Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation. When you begin by humbly admitting your mistakes, it defuses the other person’s anger and disarms their attack because they were probably expecting you to be defensive. Accept the responsibility for your mistakes and ask for forgiveness.


• Attack the problem, not the person. You cannot fix the problem if you are consumed with fixing the blame. Blame is a hurtful action that sometimes puts someone on a defensive tact. You will never get your point across by being visibly angry, so choose your words wisely. How you say something is as important as what you say.


• Cooperate as much as possible. Peace always has a price tag. Sometimes it costs our pride, and often our self-centeredness. Do your best to compromise for the sake of the fellowship, and always show preference to others and what they need.


• Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution. It is unrealistic to expect everybody to agree on everything. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, resolution the problem. When we focus on reconciliation, the problem loses significance and often becomes irrelevant. We can reestablish a relationship even when we are unable to resolve our differences; to disagree without being disagreeable. Remember that God expects us to be different, but in unity. As Rick Warren says, “We can walk arm-in-arm without seeing eye-to-eye on every issue.”

Think about who you might need to reestablish fellowship with. Don’t wait another minute! Talk to God about this person, and then pick up the phone. Know that these seven steps weren’t easy, but the benefits are enormous. That’s why God calls “peacemakers” His children.

Next time: Protecting your church

|