Cultivating Community

Community requires commitment. You can’t, by yourself, create the real fellowship that God desires without the Holy Spirit. Even then, there are still choices and commitments that you need to make, and these are plain to see. There is a dual responsibility, Paul said, that takes both God’s power and your effort to produce a loving Christian community.

Rick Warren notes that unfortunately, many people grow up in families with unhealthy relationships, and so they lack the skills in relationships needed for real fellowship. They must be taught how to get along with and relate to others in God’s family. And fortunately, the New Testament is filled with instruction on how to share life together. If you are tired of “fake” fellowship, and you’d like to cultivate real fellowship in your small group, Sunday school class and church, you’ll need to make some tough choices and take some risks. “The Purpose Driven Life” illustrates five principles that govern the community of believers.

1. Cultivating Community takes honesty. Even though it is easy to remain silent in a group, it will take love, caring and an open heart to be honest in a community. When we remain silent when others are around us practicing a sin or harming themselves, it is not the right thing, not the loving thing to do. It is sad to think that most people don’t have anyone in their lives that will be totally honest in a loving way to them, and that means telling the truth, no matter how much it may hurt at first. Your place in the community of God is to help others, your purpose. Our fears often stop us from speaking out, yet we allow self-destructive behavior to go on, and that kills fellowship in a group.
   
   Honesty triumphs over people who “never rock-the-boat,” people who don’t want “to get involved,” and people who “sweep-it-under-the-rug.” Speaking the truth in love brings real fellowship, by showing real love. And until we care enough to practice candor and honesty, tearing down those barriers of silence and acceptance, we will never grow close together in real fellowship.


2. Cultivating community takes humility. Remember the first lesson, where we said, “it’s not about you, it’s not about me?” That is you, humbling yourself before God. And when we are with our family, we need to tear down the pride and self-importance to speak with a humble attitude. Humility is no thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. Humility is thinking more of others. Rick Warren says,” Humble people are so focused on serving others, they don’t think of themselves.”


3. Cultivating community takes courtesy. What courtesy is in cultivating community is respecting our differences, being considerate of each other’s feelings, and being patient with people who irritate us. The Bible is clear with the command to ”…bear the ‘burden’ of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others.” You probably know of the ‘difficult’ person in your small group, church, or work. They might have special emotional needs, deep insecurities, irritating mannerisms or poor social skills. God puts these people in our midst for both our benefit and theirs. They present an opportunity to minister, grow together be a test of fellowship. Will we treat them with the dignity they deserve as a fellow member of the family of God? And you know, we may have some annoying quirks that irritate others, but community has nothing to do with compatibility. Learn to respect the differences, study their history and you’ll be more understanding.


4. Cultivating community takes confidentiality. My son is in a group of young people that each have lost a parent or sibling. In that small group, he feels validated in his personal grief feelings, and knows it is a safe place to talk. That’s because, the group he is in has a strict confidentiality policy, so the children will know their feelings are not spread beyond the room they are in. We as adults feel freer to share when we know our expression of our pain or praise will not be spread out beyond the small group or class we are in. God hates gossip, and even when it is disguised as a “prayer request,” sometimes it is not the news that violates the confidentiality of the small group. This does not mean remain silent when a brother or sister sins, it means that private information, spoken for the prayers and the affirmation of the group, does not go beyond the group, making it a safe place to share.


5. Cultivating community takes frequency. Real fellowship is not made by meeting once a month! You must have frequent, regular contact with your group in order to build community and genuine fellowship. Relationships take time, and it is too easy to forget what we talked about or promised to pray about when we last saw someone three weeks ago. Meeting often provides the glue that holds believers together. The early Christians met together every day! Meeting frequently takes commitment, and not convenience; commitment is a conviction to spiritual health.

When you examine these five points, you begin to realize that genuine fellowship is rare. It means giving up our self-centeredness and independence in order to be come interdependent. The benefits of sharing our lives together are many for this life, and prepare us for a heavenly eternity!

Next time: Restoring Broken Fellowship.

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