Experiencing Life Together

You are meant to share your life! One of God’s purposes for our life is to experience life together. “Fellowship” is what the Bible calls it. But real fellowship is more than casual conversation, socializing, food and fun. It is more than just showing up at services. Rick Warren, in “The Purpose Driven Life” says, “Real fellowship includes unselfish loving, honest sharing, practical serving, sacrificial giving, sympathetic comforting and all the other ‘one another’ commands found in the New Testament.“

One thing that struck me about how God intends for us to fellowship is to do it in smaller groups of people. I’ve often heard of the “megachurches” and how many thousands of people come to services every week. But the secret of many of those huge churches is that the real work, the real close worship and fellowship is done in smaller groups of perhaps eight to twelve people.

There is a Biblical model for small groups; Jesus chose twelve disciples. It is known that in groups larger than about ten people, that some people will stay quiet and not participate – and some will tend to dominate the group. And God has made His promise to us about small groups of believers: ”For where two or three have gathered in My name, I am there in their midst.” Matthew 18:20.

Why small groups instead of one large weekly meeting? Please don’t misunderstand; the weekly gathering of all the people is important for different reasons. We are focusing on how your purpose for real fellowship is best met in a small group during the week.

• In real fellowship, people experience authenticity. God intended for His family to be close and able to share heart-to-heart, genuine sharing. That occurs when people are honest about who they are and what is happening to them. In sharing their hurts, revealing their doubts, confessing their failures, admitting their fears and asking for prayer, they are showing their authenticity. That is the exact opposite of what we find in some churches, where an air of honesty and humility is instead superficial, role-playing, politicking and shallow. Only when we can become open about our lives can we experience real fellowship. The Bible says, in James 5:16: ”Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.”


• In real fellowship, people experience mutuality. Mutuality is the art of giving and receiving, in other words, depending on each other. This is the heart of fellowship; building reciprocal relationships, sharing responsibilities and helping each other. We can always be more consistent in our faith when we are walking with someone else who can encourage us. Remember that you are not responsible for everybody in the body of Christ, but you are responsible to them.


• In real fellowship, people experience sympathy. Sympathy is not giving advice or offering quick cosmetic help; sympathy is entering in and sharing the pain of others. I’ve known what real sympathy is, when I lost my wife. Genuine sympathy was experienced when I talked with people who absolutely knew what I was going through, not the kind of off-hand “I’ll pray for you (sometime)” kind of sympathy. But you don’t have to experience exactly what the person who is being comforted has gone through. Mutuality meets two basic human needs; the need to be understood and the need to be validated. In my personal example, I needed to know that the person who was talking with me understood the deepest hurt, and told me that what I was feeling was not crazy or strange. When you can build mutuality, you build deep relationships. But often, we are in a hurry to fix things and don’t consider how much time we need to take to sympathizes with people. Self-pity also masks sympathy for others.
  
  Rick Warren writes that there are three levels of fellowship, each appropriate at different times. The fellowship of sharing and studying God’s word together are the simplest levels. Deeper than those are the fellowship of serving, when we minister together on mission trips or mercy projects. And the deepest, most intense level is the fellowship of suffering, where we enter into each other’s pain and grief and carry each other’s burdens. Christians who understand this level best are those around the world who are being persecuted, despised and often martyred for their faith. It is in times of deep crisis, grief and doubts that we need each other the most. And small groups are the best place to experience that fellowship of understanding when the Body of Christ is real and tangible even when God seems distant.


• In real fellowship, people experience mercy. The importance of fellowship is made real when it’s a place of grace, where mistakes aren’t rubbed in but rubbed out. Mercy is real fellowship when it triumphs over justice. We all need mercy, because we stumble and fall and require some help to get back on track. We all need to be able to offer mercy and be willing to accept it from others. The key word is “forgiveness.” The Bible says, in 2 Corinthians 2:7: ”When people sin, you should forgive and comfort them, so they won’t give up in despair.” And you can’t have fellowship without forgiveness. God warns, Never hold grudges,” because resentment and bitterness are an enemy to fellowship. We are not perfect and without sin, and sometimes we hurt people, intentionally or not. Either way, it takes a lot of mercy to create and maintain fellowship. God’s mercy to us is the picture and the motivation for showing mercy to others.
  
  Many people can’t show mercy because they don’t understand the relationship between forgiveness and trust. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, trust has to do with future behavior. Forgiveness must be immediate, whether a person asks for it or not. Trust must be rebuilt over time and requires a track record. If someone hurts you repeatedly, you must forgive them immediately as God requires, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, nor are you expected to let them hurt you again. For trust to be rebuilt, they must prove that they have changed over time. And the best place to restore trust is in a small group where encouragement and accountability are most available.

Next time: Cultivating community.

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