I may have admitted this before, but I am a saver of things. Yes, I am a clutter person. It's strange that in some aspects of my housekeeping, there is order and clarity (and dust, whoops!) but hidden in the corners, piled in the boxes, strewn across my desk is stuff that probably shouldn't be there.

Now, some of these things were holdovers from my wife and her decorating style, which I agree with. So, though the corner cabinet seems to be layered in glass, it is orderly and pretty. I did take out some thirty tape cassettes from another cabinet and rearranged things inside to make it neater. Now, the cassettes are on my dining room table.

Which brings to mind, what will I do with these? I don't have a tape player in my car anymore. I seldom use the cassette deck in the living room or the study. And, why do I have a tape from "Mary, Fred and Terry," or some other artist that had a "flash of genius" and we bought into their five minutes of fame. And of course there are tapes that presumably were copied from other tapes, which means we didn't own the other tapes (does the RIAA go after tape copies made sixteen year ago?) There are more tapes, yes, boxes of them in the study closet. What will I do with all of these?

My dilemma is that since I am a saver, I believe, somewhere in my subconscious, that I will have a need to use these things again someday. That the advice given me in books such as "Cut The Clutter, Stow The Stuff" just doesn't work; you know, if you haven't used it in six months, throw it out. I know for a fact that most of these cassettes, for example, haven't been listened to in twenty years, about the time I bought my first CD player (the Sony portable, built like a tank.)

I look at magazines and articles and think, "I'll save this." For when? For what? Believe me, with the amount of stuff in my house and basement, I'd need a dumpster. Yet, I think the reason for holding on to stuff is not that I'll need it again, but that it is sentimental in some way. And that goes smack into my progress on my grief journey.

I read a post by a widow on a message board, one who lost her husband three years ago, and decided that it was time to pack up all the wedding photos, family pictures, etc. so she can continue the healing process and be ready for a relationship, presumably unhindered by reminders of the past. I'm thinking that in my house, it is wall to wall pictures, and I don't feel read to put them away, as it feels like I am removing some of the safety in my life. And maybe that is the crux of the problem. I hold onto stuff because it is like a warm blanket on a cold day. The stuff is comfortable to have around. It is familiar and stimulates a reaction. So, what to do?

I will have to make a conscious effort to separate the history from the chaff, and embark on a no-holds-barred clutter campaign. It will have to be in a mood of detachment, it will have to be swift, and take no prisoners. I am sure I will hold up at the family pictures, though. I don't feel I am ready to put those away. I'll let you know how I make out.

Have a wonderful week, gentle readers!

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